Dating / Femininity / Relationships

The Southern Girl’s Guide To Flirting




Definitely smile while holding eye contact, you just can’t help yourself, he is so delicious!

Men are sensitive to signs of rejection, crossing arms might speak loudly to them, even if you’re only cold.  Ooh, be cold, then he can come save you.

I have never fluttered my eyelashes at a man except in jest.  I must not be southern enough?

yes, notice something special, a safe way to go, but if he’s an old friend he can probably handle teasing and a light fake punch.

color says so much about a woman.  I have already written about this!

There are so many obnoxious perfumes on the market for women!  I did the whole vanilla thing but never cinnamon.  Today I wear a grapefruity smelling perfume.  Bombshell by Victoria Secret.

“Be a good listener, but play hard to get.”  I  like that she said both, if you are overly submissive and eager, he might think there’s no challenge.  If you are too aloof and cold, he will be insulted.

Be yourself….have fun  (I edited out the middle part)  I’m noticing there are different styles of girl game.  A southern girl would have a very different approach than Parisian chic girl, California girl, or New York girl.  Southern girls are loud and proud, forget understatement, but treat them right.


from The Grits (Girls Raised In The South) Guide to Life by Deborah Ford with Edie Hand

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20 thoughts on “The Southern Girl’s Guide To Flirting

  1. There is a man at church whose attention I would love to attract…at least to get to know him better. He has a strong hug which melts me, he is friendly to everyone, and yet there is also a reserve about him, and I feel like everyone knows less about him than he knows about us. Being a submissive woman with a gregarious attitude has gotten me in a LOT of trouble in the past, and I don’t want to mess this one up. I want to do this one God’s way or not at all. I tend to get either very submissive or overly bold around him. When we are in the same place, I feel attracted to him which makes me feel all submissive and keep looking down instead of being able to maintain eye contact, I will hug him hello or goodbye and then hang around because I want to soak in more of him, but not know what to say, and then by email I will say things that totally give me away or go on and on about little things like why I said or did something else, which I am sure isn’t really attractive. So far he has been very friendly but not done anything that seems flirty, but I think that is part of his personality, and I don’t know if I would know the difference between him being attracted and practicing restraint until we know each other better, and him being non-attracted friends. Trying to just pray about it and trust him to make appropriate moves, but not really very effectively containing my own feelings while.I wait to see if that happens. How can I show him I am available and interested while leaving it up to him? I guess learning how to be in control of myself until such time as I am able to give control to someone else, is an issue in the little things as well as the bigger picture. I think I am giving wildly mixed signals right now, which just makes me look as out of control as I feel when I think about him!

    • Are you emailing him first or is he emailing you first?
      What does your best friend think about him?
      Is he confident or shy?
      Does he date a lot of girls or does he avoid girls?
      Does he have an honorable reputation?
      What is he good at? What is he interested in?

      • Everyone I know likes and respects him, but no one feels they know him well. He takes leadership in things like choir and small groups at church. I emailed him once about a week ago to ask about something related to a small group we are in, and we have been sending short little emails back and forth since. I have heard him mention before that he does not like Facebook and spends very little time online, so the fact that he keeps answering my replies within a few hours feels encouraging. But they are chatty things like how was your weekend and I will see you tomorrow at church, nothing with hints of flirting. I have been divorced twice, which I am afraid will scare him away, and I believe he has never been married and he is probably late 50s, so definitely not a guy who dates a lot! But his rarely used Facebook profile says he is interested in women…He was on the board of directors of a local christian family camp for a number of years, and has a lot of friends from that who go to a different church who he seems closer to than the ones at our church. He works in a university nearby doing food service, and bakes yummy stuff for our events. He plays some sort of brass instrument, is a bass in choir, and leads prayers in our Monday night meetings, and I don’t know a whole lot more. At least not yet.

      • Perhaps he is an introvert and needs 1-on-1 time to open up. Musician and praying both point to introverted. That’s a good sign. Are you introverted or extroverted? It seems like you might be extroverted from how you described yourself earlier. That means you are the one who does the entertaining, the teasing, the storytelling….at least in group settings.

        Is there a big age gap between you two?

        He likes food and baking! You can definitely use that.

        I know it’s bad to talk poorly about your ex-husbands in front of a new beau. They assume you’ll talk badly about them and put up their defenses. Give both yourself and your exes lots of compassion when he asks about the divorces.

        Try to break the touch barrier in a way that is not hugging and see how he responds. A testing of the waters to see if he’s interested. If he breaks the touch barrier (hugging doesn’t count anymore), then he’s definitely interested. You could playfully hit him on the arm, or stand very close beside him, or accidentally brush his hand.

        It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job.
        Appearance: A woman’s appearance is huge for attracting men. If you need to lose weight, that might be your number one priority. Maybe a haircut or a make-over is due? Teeth whitening? Are you dressing in a flattering, feminine way? Have someone honestly assess your appearance and give you some gentle tips on improving. But be graceful with yourself, none of us are perfect, you don’t have to be perfect.

        Personality: A kind, respectful, gentle, admiring, interesting personality is next on the attraction scale. What are your personality strengths? Are you a good storyteller, do you have a wonderful laugh, are you good at drawing people out?

        Passion: Men are attracted to passionate people. What are you passionate about? Art, children, dogs?? Talk about it with him.

  2. Thanks! That is all really great stuff. Weight isn’t an issue for me but posture is, and I suspect that he is meticulous about a clean house, which is Not my strong point, but I am working on it. Music, church, and food are great things to talk about. Between those things, we are in the same place, doing the same things 3 days a week, but usually in a room filled with 30 to 50 other people, playing a ballance between time we spend talking to each other and time not looking like we are talking too much to each other…at least that is what I am doing. Both of my divorces were from abusive men, and I am not looking forward to talking about that but I think even if he is interested, he will take a year to get around to having those conversations! Our church is pretty clear about men and women staying in public together and not having too much physical contact until/unless they are committed to building a relationship,but last Monday night when we did our closing prayer, which we do holding hands in a circle, he held my hand in a way that our arms were touching all the way up. I think that is good…maybe I should avoid being the one next to him tonight and watch how he is with someone else. But I don’t want to give up my fix! No choir in the summer means not seeing him again till Sunday.

    • A trick I used to use when I was interested in a guy…long ago….was to pretend I was already his girlfriend. I wouldn’t ask him out or grab his hand, but I would hang around him, sit next to him, confide in him, smile from afar. Sort of place my claim without saying anything. It gave me courage to do things I wouldn’t have done on my own, but still allowed him to lead the relationship.

      • Oh, I like that. In fact I think that is, at least partly, what I have been trying to do without being aware of it. I think I will try that on for size this evening and see how it goes.

  3. By the way, you definitely nailed the introvert/extrovert part. Which, coupled with my general impulsiveness and impatience makes leaving him to take the lead so hard!

  4. :) It works. I think the best part was just that I stopped being anxious and overthinking it. I looked him in the eye comfortably when he talked and he wouldn’t stop talking! Twice during the evening he put his arm around my waist and drew me asside to have a more private conversation…that was new too. Now I think I can just let what happens happen….at least for a while. Patience is going to be a big lesson for me this year, I think.

      • Tonight my sweetheart took me out for dinner alone to celebrate his retirement and my birthday, our first solo date after several months of leading into it, and careful management of chaperones….and he gave me his college ring, and asked me to go steady with him. :) I have never been so moved and amazed in my life. The Lord has blessed us beyond measure.

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