Dating / Relationships

There’s No Character In The Dating Scene Anymore

Character isn’t very important in our dating scene anymore. It used to be you would know the girls a guy dated before he approached you. You would hear the stories of how he treated them. You would know if he’s worked since he was ten or if he plays basketball for hours every day after school. Our dating market has somehow managed to isolate dating from character. Character was something that made him very attractive.

Now it depends on how handsome he is, how confident he seems in the moment, how he treats you. You have no idea what his past looks like except for what he tells you. All you get is a few glances in a bar, or you meet him at college away from his community and family, or you meet him at a job hours away from his people, away from the people who know him.

The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior

I remember my Grandpa recommending a boy for me to date once, it didn’t work out between us, but he was a good guy and I appreciated the help. New boys seem so mysterious and exciting, but character should be important. We lose a lot when this isn’t taken in account when choosing a person to marry for life. Try to find a guy and learn about his character, meet his family, his friends, his people. See what they think about him and trust them. Put a little more weight on them than on your feelings of excitement and attraction. If you get a bad report, walk away. Don’t get so caught up in the rush of attraction and infatuation you forget what you’re doing. Guard your hearts and wait, choose carefully.

Signs of Character In A Man:
1. Does he have self-control?
2. Does he spend his time wisely?
3. Is he patient?
4. Is he kind to others?
5. Is he loving in a self-less way?
6. What are his past relationships with women like?
7. Look closely at his father, many men copy their fathers throughout their lives, even unintentionally.
8. Is he good.
9. Is he happy, angry, or stressed out. What is his general attitude? Is he at peace or is he battling the world?
10. Does he avoid people from his past or does he hang out with them? How do they act around him? Do they trust him?

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5 thoughts on “There’s No Character In The Dating Scene Anymore

  1. Pingback: A Feature, Not A Bug | Donal Graeme

  2. Definitely something to pass down to daughters. Although, considering that I value compatibility and am open to the fact my daughters may be nontraditional in tastes (I mean, I am, so why shouldn’t they be?), I’d amend it slightly. A man can have good character or suitable character for you whilst being outside of most ideals.

    Amended Signs of Character In A Man:
    1. Does he have self-control?
    2. Does he spend his time on things you both value and for thought-out reasons? (For fitness fanatics, an hour a day in the gym is good. For more relaxed or busier people, twice a week may be enough.)
    3. Is he patient, but knows where to draw the line? (No man must be too patient regarding things that are detrimental to either of you or that he hates. Excess, continual “patience” is usually down to indecisiveness and fear: signs of weak character.)
    4. Is he respectful towards others and kind to people you appreciate? (Jon and I are not very kind at all to people we find annoying or troublesome, but we are always polite when in company of any kind.)
    5. Is he loving in a self-less way? Are you? How does that work together?
    6. What are his past relationships with women like? What are the women from his past relationships like? (A string of negative relationships with women very different to yourself or women with personality problems is more reflective of his choices than of a relationship and should be treated as a different type of variable. Personality analysis rather than character.)
    7. Look closely at his father or closest father-figure, many men copy their fathers throughout their lives, even unintentionally.
    8. Is he like you, compatible with you or like or compatible with what you aspire to be?
    9. Is he happy, angry, or stressed out. What is his general attitude? Is he at peace or is he battling the world?
    10. Does he have a trail of friends from the past? What are they like? How do they act around him? Do they trust him? (Many people in someone’s past may be worth cutting out and reasons for cutting people out could be deep or trivial. Look for who he chooses to associate with instead.)

  3. My amends basically edit-out anything wholly subjective. Jon and I are not good people in most folks’ eyes. But we’re “bad” in the same sort of ways, so we’re good for each other. The kindest, most patient, most selfless man may be good for many or most, but for some he’s no good at all.

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