This post has been adapted from the original, here (The original is religious in nature).
Most today regard love as only a subjective feeling between two people. It is that romanticized ideal that Disney was so very good at. I remember as a young girl feeling very guilty that there were members of my extended family that I did not possess the feeling of love for. I used to try to force myself to feel love for them because I knew I should. I never was successful at forcing that feeling. I merely terrible that I was unable to love them as I thought I should. Since I couldn’t feel this love, I remember trying very hard to do for them what I couldn’t feel. I would do the things I knew should be done for one who should be loved. Then, a couple of years ago I read in a book (I wish I could remember the book, but I can’t) about love that has nothing to do with how one is feeling. Rather, about what one does. It really struck a chord with me. I wasn’t an awful person for not being able to feel love for my family members. Rather, I did well. I loved them the way I knew how.
In a marriage, one is not going to be able to always feel romantic love. It would be impossible to go about daily things if we felt this way all the time. There will be periods of time where the feeling will be fleeting. Some long periods and many short. That does not mean that one still cannot love one’s husband in the way that he deserves. This means that, no matter how we are feeling, no matter the emotions running through our brain and our hearts, our actions should always be those that our best for our husbands. One should strive to provide what is best for him for his sake alone. This needs to be done regardless of what is being felt at any given moment or for any given period of time. That feeling of love, if love is being worked at, it will return. Especially when both spouses are striving to love in this objective manner, in this manner of actions rather than feelings.
Of course, a man will want his wife to be full of the feeling of love, but I think men realize that this is not possible at all times. It is, however, possible to strive to break away from self reference. To love a man expecting absolutely nothing in return and to want nothing but his good for him with no strings attached. This is something that, regardless of everything else, your marriage should revolve around. If you can do this and expect nothing in return, you will likely find that his love revolves around you as well.
** In the original article, many commenters stated that this love is impossible. In achieving this 100% of the time, I would agree. That does not make my point moot. One should always be striving for this. Failure will occur. That simply means that it is time to pick yourself up and try again.