I found the red pill before my husband & decided to make my relationship take on more traditional gender roles. The entire western world & all forms of media have, since I was born in the 1960s, encouraged the exact opposite of traditional gender roles. I was raised to be a strong independent woman & my husband was raised to put women on a pedestal & kowtow to her every whim.
It’s been a little over two years since I discovered this little corner of the internet & made this decision & it has worked out really well for my husband & me. I found that if I created a vacuum, he would step up & fill the void. I wanted him to start running the relationship, so I quit running the relationship. He picked up the slack & is now in charge of the direction our relationship is going.
I wanted him to be more dominant & to initiate more, so I became more submissive & quit initiating. I started touching him more in non-sexual ways & sexual but not initiating sort of ways. He stepped up and started initiating sex. I think that I had probably refused sex for stupid reasons (I’m tired!) so much that he decided to just have me let him know when I was ready.
I told him about a year ago that my body was his to touch in any way that he wanted, whenever he wanted. If he wants me he needs to take me. He looked kind of alarmed until I told him that I wasn’t going to fight him, but instead I will respond enthusiastically. You need to keep in mind that I have been with him for close to 30 years, so I have had a lot of time to beat him down on the sexual front. Heck, on all fronts; I wasn’t the worst wife in the world, but I wasn’t the best either.
I absolutely HATED that whole “where do you want to eat” “wherever you want” “I don’t know, whatever you want” “what are you hungry for” thing that we had going on. Just choose a damned restaurant! I wasn’t sure what to do to change this, so I started giving him choices. I didn’t make the decision; I said “this place has half price appetizers & this place has burgers on sale on Tuesdays” & made him choose.
Now he asks where the good deals are or who is working where & decides what he wants to do. I will give him a choice of what I have the ingredients to cook & he decides what he wants to eat. I just really don’t care what I eat as long as it is healthy & tasty. This is working so much better for me & hopefully for him. I used to make all of the decisions because it was less painful to me than dealing with the “what do you want to do” “I don’t know, what do you want to do” thing.
A huge part of stepping back & letting him make the decisions is that I am not allowed to bitch or nag about the decisions made. I have to accept his decisions & work with them. Luckily, he makes much better decisions than I do, so there haven’t really been any problems there. I still have a problem with nagging when I don’t know that a decision has been made, but he is pretty good at saying “quit nagging me!”
It is still a work in progress, but I think we are headed in the right direction. We have a lot of years of feminism’s damage to correct & it has been baby steps all the way. For the first time in a long time I see us actually headed in a certain direction instead of just spinning our wheels. It is so much nicer to follow a leader than it is to lead a reluctant follower.